I am going to boldly admit I am guilty of being an "online dater" who uses a profile on a FREE dating site to help ease the "lonley" moments... Meeting people online is nothing new for me and nothing I am embarrased or ashamed to admit. Ever since the dialup AOL craze, when I sat down fighting busy signal after busy signal until I finally heard the cyber dude loudly proclaim, " You've got mail," I have been comfortable chatting, emailing and meeting random people. In fact, I am probably tenured enough to write an " Online Dating for Dummies" manuscript or travel around the country giving lectures on the dos and don't of the internet dating culture... LOL.
Yes, I have most certainly had some extremely memorable moments throughout the years.
Garreth... the drunken guy who was pretty cool until I had to kick him to the curb for proclaiming his love for me after 3 whole dates. No, not like he slipped up an I love you after a great orgasm... but the whole down on the knee, tears and codependent eyes. I gave him the night to sober up, but the next day the love song continued...
Kelso... the Buddhist who had a life experiment which was never to own a cell phone, answering machine or caller id device. This was a guy I knew was clingy from the jump, so I ran him off a few times. Then I rejoined the site after ceasing a fling with good ol Davie the downer a couple weeks ago and there he was, proclaiming his respect and happiness to see me again... so I gave him a call on his landline. Then I called him and invited him to meet me at a Christmas Eve bonfire and he informed me he was antisocial, which is CLEARLY STATED on my profile as a dealbreaker... so I told him that was too bad, good luck and goodbye. I got the fatal attraction vibe when he blew my phone up, leaving drunken voicemails, crying and acting a total fool. Deleted his account on the site and did the drama routine better than a Barbie, but hey, some chicks dig that psycho style so I'm sure he will be fine in a few days.
Hell, I'll even bring up Billy, the blue eyed blondie I had crushed on in junior high that found me on POF and set my heart on fire. Billy, who I loved after 3 months of excitement and who broke my heart right around last New Years Eve. Billy, the man I self destructed over, the man I took time to get over because he was the first man I loved in my adult life. Hooked up w a chick he met on the same goddam site, with a pic up of me and him that he just blacked my face out of. The replacement bimbo had fake titties, a fancy car and money but NONE of the same set of skills he had become accostomed to from "your's truly" in the bedroom... So we shared him for a bit, until her snooping led to discovery of texts between us about hot sex and led to a blowup involving the cops...drama and a bleeding heart on this tough girl. He taught me things about myself I am thankful to have learned... and his random emails tell me ( and his overly insecure fake booby lady ) that while I am over him, he still thinks about me... lol.
Now I will get to the main subject of this blog... Mister 50 himself, Keith...
Talk about a collassal douchebag!! I'm 31, he's 50... I told him not interested the last profile around, then decided maybe I'd give it a shot this time since my goal is to find someone who gets me, who's fun and who I can be comfortable with and not worry about jealousy or insecurity from him over insignificance. Right away, he came off as a bit too forceful, and his controlling and dellusional expectations seemed to show up outta thin air. Met up with him for a couple of hours and hit it off conversationally, planned a dinner the next night, and when I modified it to drinks instead, all hell broke loose! I wish I could post the entire text conversation for amusement purposes! Battles between rational and irrational are clearly won by facts, not daggers thrown without intelligence. He blew my phone up with so many pointless messages that it actually had to be reset 4 times... then after I told him to pound pavement a.k.a. FUCK OFF, he still kept his macho ignorance going to the point of sitting at Chuys expecting me to actually go and meet him!!! . I should have sent a replacement date for him, one he wouldn't have enjoyed much considering it wasn't a female, but when you act an ass, you run the risk of an unpleasent meeting... however, my style was to write about it so others could see what kind of people you meet in the world and have a damn good laugh at the expense of someone who well earned the award as " Biggest DUMBASS ever to cross the path of a woman whose wits outweigh his ego and who hit his bullshit back at him in a way that puts him out there as a blog topic, dating nightmare, fool and chuavinist ass.
Stay tuned for other tales of internet dating expoloits... I think it's time to get the good ones, bad ones, fun ones, and lasting ones out there for the entertainment value. Thanks Keith, for making this a blog and a fun way to blast your ass as the douchebag you are. To be continued...
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